Giving Each Other Space

My student was delighted. Her husband was an orderly, neat guy. She was a creative, easy going gal. They shared space in the home that sometimes caused tension because of the different ways they maintained their space.

One of the decisions she was inspired to make as a result of our "Getting Organized at Home" class was to move out of a shared home office area, giving herself the guest room and "deeding over" the home office completely to her husband. It was a great decision. Each of them could keep "their" rooms as they wished, and there was less tension in their relationship.

One of the best things you can do when getting organized is to allow the people in your life to have at least one small area of the house that is "their space." This is a place that they can organize and keep however they with (with the reasonable understanding of some sanitary expectations.) This is their refuge from criticism, tension, harping and "suggestions."

We forget about the need an individual has for space...particularly husbands. Women tend to forget that men unwind and process things generally by having some uninterrupted time to pursue a hobby (yes, watching football counts) or a space they feel no demands are placed on them. If you polled men, most would probably agree that a space such as a den, garage, workshop, "man cave," etc would be a welcome blessing in their lives.

Ladies, this often means you must release your control over your teenager’s room, or your husband's den. But isn't the resulting peace worth it? It's particularly helpful if the space has a door that can simply be shut, making the room off limits to company.

Women appreciate their own space, too, but sometimes they claim the entire house. When you agree to hand over space to someone else, you have to let go of the desire to clean it, decorate it, or arrange it. Hands off ladies! Find your own space to decorate. Often your husband will be glad to have you decorate the common areas of the house. But unless he asks, don't decorate or arrange his workshop or game room.

This goes for roommates too. Their room is their room. Shut the door and let it go.

Once the tension has diminished because everyone has breathing space, you can have a group discussion about common standards (particularly if, for example, your child's bathroom also doubles as the bathroom guests use, as is our situation.) If such a conversation is necessary, don't nag, and keep it reasonable (i.e. overflow into common areas is not acceptable.) The whole idea of this is to allow each person in your home to have a space they can call their own. It will be worth it...like it was for my student.

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