Thinking through
our goals
Many of us don’t do what I call a “360” when we goal
plan. Doing a “360” means that you
examine the goal from all possible angles.
You think through the entire process of the goal you want to achieve. In essence, you walk all the way around the
goal, examining every aspect of it.
To successfully achieve a goal, it’s important that we
understand these things:
WHY (Why do we want change/improvement in this
particular area?)
BENEFITS (In what way will my life change when I
realize this goal? Is there anyone else who will be affected by my achievement
– if so, how?)
HOW and by WHEN (How and by When do we plan to
accomplish this change/improvement?)
WHAT (What resources – people, equipment, etc- will we
need to accomplish this change/improvement?)
WHICH (Which obstacles might we be faced with while
we’re working towards our goal?)
WHAT IF (What will we do IF we are faced with one of
the obstacles we defined)
HOW WILL I KNOW (How will I know if I’ve attained my
goal? What are the measurements by which
I’ll know it’s been reached?)
RELEVANCE and REWARD (How important to me is this goal
and How will I reward myself once I’ve successfully reached it?)
This week, let’s focus on the “WHY” we want to achieve a
goal. When you focus on the “WHY,” you
have to find out from where the desire to change or improve is coming. When it’s a desire that comes from outside
sources or is imposed on us, we tend to fail in our attempts to reach the goal
(or change the behavior). If we do
succeed initially with the goal or change in behavior, we lack
sustainability. Sometimes we may even
resent the very thing we’ve changed.
Moreover, embracing a goal because it’s what others think should be our goal can actually keep us from focusing on things
that would produce positive change/growth in our lives. In other words, things like losing weight or quitting
smoking (or exercising, or eating healthier – etc,…) can be useful and helpful
things to do, but unless we each perceive the value in those things as it
relates to our individual lives and our personal desires, our results will not
be lasting.
When we examine the “WHY,” we may need to modify the
original goal or even discard it entirely. That’s not all bad. That’s how we drill down and focus on the
goals that are truly important to us – the ones that WILL change our lives for
the better and the ones that will have LASTING positive impact.
Let me speak for a moment from experience. While I was growing up, our home was
spotless. In fact, it looked like it
could be in a magazine. Everything was
always in its place and our home was in pristine condition just in case anyone
stopped by unannounced to visit. This
meant that my mother, bless her heart, was constantly cleaning, dusting and
vacuuming. I mean every single day those
things were done. At times, I’m sure you
could even have eaten off the floor and been fine (no 5 second rule needed).
Now, let’s fast forward to my adulthood. While working unbelievable work week hours at
the peak of my corporate career, I carried with me the goal that I had to have
my own home as spotless as my parent’s home was when I was growing up. In order to reach that goal, that meant I
would have to spend my weekend – Saturday to be exact – cleaning my home. My
home, you see, was really a 1000 square foot apartment with two bedrooms and
two bathrooms. To clean it the way I
felt was required to hit my “goal” meant that I would need to spend 4 hours cleaning
every Saturday. Needless to say, I was
exhausted when Sunday rolled around.
That didn’t leave much time for “fun” on the weekend, much less time to
rest before my grueling work week started over again.
The other notable factor was that while my home place was
indeed clean, I was not progressing forward in building a gratifying social
life. When I met my husband, I realized
that I wanted to spend time on the weekend with him instead of with my head
stuck in a toilet or tub. Granted, the
clean toilet and tub were rewarding, but not nearly in the same way as having a
mutually gratifying relationship with another human being.
Jokes aside, I had to think about why I willingly embraced a
goal that was actually holding me hostage.
I realized, after pondering the WHY for awhile, that the goal belonged
to my mother and not me. That was HER
goal, not mine. I had accidentally
packed it when I left home and I needed to return it as soon as possible. So I did.
What a freeing experience it
was to rethink that goal. Cleanliness
was and is important to me, but to make it workable in my world in the form of
a personal goal, I needed to realize its relevancy. How important was that goal to ME?
Once I decided that, then I could set a new goal with parameters
that worked for me. I redefined what
level of “clean” was acceptable for me.
Then I redefined what “filth” meant in my world. With that done, I was free to put into forward motion some
time management practices that allowed me to work on a far more important goal
– spending time with the man that I love and building a lasting relationship. That goal was more important than the dust on
my coffee table that had accumulated during the work week. After all, I felt like the dust would wait on
me.
Next week: The
benefits of achieving your goal.
by Stephanie Baker
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Found your blog via Life of a Pint-Sized Mama! So glad she pointed me this way! I think I need to read your new book! :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Tuesday!
Oof, this hit me. "I redefined what level of “clean” was acceptable for me. Then I redefined what “filth” meant in my world."
ReplyDeleteI need to do that. :)